Monday, August 18, 2008

Monday is List Day

Before you escape across the ditch there are a few things in the disclaimer that you need to be aware of. Some people say that Sydney is better than Auckland but it really is a matter of personal preferences. The following is a list of things that I will not miss about Australia.

Recruitment consultants

They are, essentially, people with little qualifications and too much power. They will be full of exaggerated promises of high pay, assurances that they want the best job for you; not just to fill a position. In Sydney most recruitment companies automatically get about forty percent of your pay - all for a very un-in depth hour interview and the fact that they process your salary and tax. Do not piss them off. Always remember that there is so much they don't tell you. The consultant I found is actually really good, in the fact that she has so many clients (at least 5 due to my referrals) and can find a job for you within hours. At one stage our whole flat was using this consultant. This was useful when the house 'flooded' and only one person had to call in sick. This was not so good when we had a particularly hard Tuesday night, resulting in not everyone telling her they wouldn't be in, leaving me to cop the explanations. And I have never been a good liar.


There is something about the roads here. Crossings are few and far between and gaps between traffic are rare. It has taken me a full ten minutes of waiting just to cross the road to my flat. And you can't stand between lanes. The cars whizz by so fast that you undo all the good blood pressure from eating extra virgin olive oil for several years.

Oxford Street

I have a love/hate relationship with Oxford Street. It is like tequila: fun but messy. I have been dragged there many times because of my propensity to attract good looking homosexual guys as friends. In some ways, Oxford Street is more misogynistic than going out to straight bars. Females are far more likely to get rejected for being 'drunk' and they certainly don't get served first at the bar. And I am not used to either.

Sheer magnanimity

This country is effing HUGE. I look out my window at work and see a stretch of land that never ends. It is less green than New Zealand and uncomfortably unfamiliar. This makes workloads bigger too, especially when dealing with statistics. It's just so much bigger here.

More places to see, more places to go

Ths can be good and bad. Every weekend there is a new bar to go to, a new landmark and a new activity. It gets better with time, but when you first arrive it's like being the new kid at school and not having a map to the playground.


As a matter of fact, Australia has recently closed a few of it's mental hospitals. As a result of this there a more people with mental illnesses in jail, or integrated into society. You can actually tell the difference when observing your experiences of people. But I could just be massively quick to judge so I'm not sure about this one. Andrew Fraser, famous convicted criminal lawyer, agrees with this and writes of his experiences in jail. Good read.

Watch your bag

Remember those stories you were told in school of the first Australian settlers? They were convicts. My phone has been stolen three times in six months (And let's not mention friends who have had things stolen) which makes me drawn to believe that this is a land of thieves. Don't forget what happened to Russell Crowe and Pavlova.

Note: The last two accounts are too presumptuous to be fully serious.

Sheep jokes

How many Kiwis does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they were too busy

..... doing something else.

Conversations where everyone ends their sentences with a question?

But for some reason, when an Australian guy says the word 'here' or 'engineer' I just go weak at the knees. It is so hot.


Setting up a bank account is reserved only for people who have an address, and to enforce this your card is sent out in the mail. Several days later your pin number is sent out. Gee, why not write the pin number on the card. Banks also open at 9.30 am, only on weekdays. Frustration.

Being chucked in the deep end at work

To save money on paying staff to train staff, they test drive temps with vindictive pleasure until they find the right one. Thank God I am popular with my colleagues.

Cost of living in Sydney


Anti-Terrorism Propaganda

Posters everywhere urging you to report suspicious activity. Cops with guns. Hi-tech security outside shopping malls. Puts me on edge. I went to this expo for work once and the rules were so strict - we all had to wear these funny vests. Not pleased. Boss not pleased either.

Lack of friendly faces

This is a dangerous city. Without sounding like my Mum, you really can't walk home alone at night. People are more apprehensive about talking to strangers and this is probably a good thing. I like to chat to people though and I haven't been able to do much of it here, without suspecting that they are just strange men hitting on me.

I miss home. Only three more days till home...


Will de Cleene said...

Recruitment consultants = pimps

Oz is big. The scale is somewhat out of whack and all. Learned that taking a bus trip from Brisbane to Cairns, all 26 hours. Oh, and Oz is almost the only country with roadkill as its national animal.

At least the banks over there are more competitive than NZ. No fees eftpos card only accounts have been there for ages. And the ATMs dispense 20s and 50s, unlike here with piddly 10 and 20 bills.

Little Red Riding Hood said...

Stuff the cash dispenser, I'd rather use my eftpos card - or sign. You have obviously been in Oz though.