Boy Meets Girl Part III

The good thing about introspection is that it tends to suss a lot of crap out for me, through seeing this story written down. Typed down, whatever. But I'll finish what I started...

I was pretty much over the whole SS thing. No wasting time on players, thanks. I mean, they tend to be in the slightly more seductive range of men, but I really don't have the energy to tolerate that kind of bloke. Imagine the stress! Worrying where they are all the time, worrying who those girls are on his phone, wondering if you should get their gonads fixed so that their seed isn't spread to the whole of Hamilton...

As a word of advice, guys who are players should only ever be used as "Milky way" men. That's right, used. If you can handle that type of thing. Easily consumed, easily finished.

The problem occurs when you don't finish - as the novelty, and amount of chocolate in a Milky way, only lasts so long.

I ran into SS again, several months later. And I ran into him again, several months after that. And again, and again. What happened, you ask. More fuzziness.

But I can give you a list of um, places which shed light on the situation.

Cars

Bedrooms

Lounge (couch wedging door shut)

I'm sorry to say that I didn't do it in any local churches; I'm just not that kind of girl.

In fact, I ran into SS every couple of months for the next four years. That's right, FOUR YEARS.

Coincidence (and drunken texts) factors into this. I have discovered that SS is family friends with several of my friends, and anyone that you know from up north probably knows SS too. And all the girls in Hamilton. I'm just picking Hamilton because they have that kind of reputation. You will probably even run into SS when you go to a funeral, as I did. Strange. Very strange.

Fact: SS is so much of a player that three of my friends have slept with him. Of course, none of this went on once they knew that I knew him. But I don't doubt that the day will come when another one of my friends goes:

"Like, oh my God I've just met the coolest guy!!"

"Oh really? How big was it?" (Haha, just joking, this is not the first question that girls ask - it's the second)

"Oh really? What's his name?"

"****"

"Gurl, that man is bad news. Been there, done that."

Once when SS came over to my flat I told him I had the house allll to myself. But when SS exited my room, several girls were there getting ready for the evening's shenanigans, including one who he had hooked up with. Poor SS, he didn't like that. But it was so much fun to make him suffer the consequences of his promiscuous actions. There's also the time when SS was caught by one of my flatmates in my house, a friend from up north. Probably family. But that was an accident.

Anyway, before I go off track, let's keep a few things in mind:

1. SS and I have been "friends" for four years now. In any relationship, that is a long time.

2. It works two ways - I am not the only one who sends drunken texts.

3. SS has cheated on his girlfriend with me.

Note: This girlfriend was one of the girls from Miss Popularity. No kidding. This is the kind of competition I am up against. This puts me off. As the less erudite person would say, fuck that shit!!

4. I have cheated on boyfriends with SS. (Note plural is actually indicative of only two)

5. When SS and I get talking, we actually get along pretty well. Considering I try to keep the chit chat to the minimum.

6. SS makes me laugh.

7. SS votes Labour, but not in the sense that he is a political geek and wants to talk politics. (Although he told me once that it turns him on when I do)

8. SS is gorgeous.

9. SS was my first, and he knows this.

Note: On Nip Tuck the other night, Christian seduced Kimber with all sorts of lies. When questioned he said, "I say what I always say to get women into bed with me." Kimber asked, "Why me?" He replied: "Because you're the only woman who makes me feel like the most important man in the world."

That is just creepy.

10. Sexytime with SS is EPIC.

I won't delve into the obvious facts, and reasons against: SS could be using me and doesn't actually give a shite at all. But my instinct says he does. My instinct also tells me he is using me. My instinct is also wrong sometimes. Fatally wrong. There are signals that tell me SS is into me, such as wanting to set his friends up with mine so we can spend more time together. And complaining that he only sees me every few months. And wanting to come to my 21st. And being the one to remind me that it's been four years...

Although, this could mean nothing at all, and is merely my take on seeing something that I want to be true.

Sidetracking again, doesn't it suck being a girl? I would give anything to lessen my capacity to feel as much, wouldn't you?!

The other day after SS had been over, I was having drinks at my flat, and got stuck outside with this guy who I hadn't met yet. We got talking, and he was raving about his new fiancè. I asked him how they met. And since I'm the kind of person who people tend to tell a lot, I was stuck outside with him for awhile. Turns out he knew his fiancè for about four years, and that they were also "friends" for this long. She had been asking him out for ages, but he could never commit.

I was pretty fine about my situation, but it got that idea in my head. Not that I want to marry him, Lord no. But it got me thinking.

I know I could probably keep doing this, (after all, sex is sex) but I have to say that after every time I see SS, I do feel like I have almost finished that Milky way, and would prefer to move on to something more substantial. Like one of those giant Toblerones. But after a couple of months I'm over it, and in the short term, am happy with milky ways.

I know that if I do bring it up, SS could run a mile. And then, after a few months I'll inadvertently grab another Milky way's ass in town, and realise to my dismay that it belongs to SS. And the same thing will happen again. Until one of us grows up.

But I am growing up. I get the feeling it is make or break time - and if it is break time, I will have to make SS promise to deflect my advances. And not make any advances himself.

The point of this drawn out story is to find out where I want to go. I have two options:

a) Invite SS over one last time and explain that it's over. (In the morning) Give SS the 'spare' flat toothbrush to use. (We use this toothbrush for cleaning - hey, that will stop me hooking up with him again)

b) Invite SS over again, kick flatmates out, and make dinner for him. Act the same as before. Invite SS over again, tell him he has to watch this horror movie with me because I can't watch it by myself. Invite SS over again and don't sleep with him. Gradually increase amount of time I spend with SS, etc, etc.

The general idea is that I will gradually, and manipulatively, get closer to SS. This is the harder option, and not generally my cup of tea.

But straight talking is not an option; it never works.

The question is, what would you do? Is this a fleeting fling, or can something be salvaged from it?

Your's in exasperation,

xx L