Friday, September 28, 2007

Character Flaws

The problem with dating someone for the first time is that you can never really know them, until you get to know them. In this process character flaws become very apparent, regardless of how normal people appear to be.

Now, everyone has character flaws. But I want to talk about the freaky ones, inspired by people I have met and stories I've been told. Feel (very) free to add your own.

So you've been dating someone for a couple of weeks only to discover... (to your horror)



Their penis is miniscule.

They are completely, and utterly obsessed with playing the didgeridoo. At first you think it is just a quirky hobby, until they start bringing it over to your flat. To the delight of your flatmates, who find it hugely entertaining. They have a special bag for it, special polish, and even a special stand in their house for it. They also make a habit of bringing the phallic instrument to small social gatherings. Entirely lacking in social skills, they aren't quite able to distinguish between people laughing at them, or with them.

They confess that they only get turned on by redheads. A quick search on their computer reveals an impressive collection of ginger porn.

(You are a brunette.)

They are only able to come when you call them 'mother.'

They have an obsession with Ireland, despite being a 5th generation New Zealander. They change their name by deed poll to something Irish, or O'Malley-ish. they grow their hair so it is loooong, curly and greasy, and have an impressive selection of celtic jewellery. And swords.

They have an obsession with anal sex.

They wear 'Rio' underwear. (available exclusively from Foodtown)

They are chronic pot smokers. (not actually a huge problem)

They are obsessed with a political party.

They have a girlfriend on the other side of the world ("what, you didn't know?")

That's all I can think of.

Have a great weekend!

8 comments:

Diving into the wreck said...

1. They are obessesed with star trek, star wars and anything else science space fiction.

2. Their relationship with siblings is beyond normal. When their sister starts dating a new guy, they follow her everywhere from afar with binoculars.

3. Again their penis is miniscule - too judge - put your hand out, look at your middle finger and go figure.

4. They are out of towners.

5. They wear leather

Anonymous said...

some other weird things....

1. they are 42 and still live at home with 'mummy'

2. They get all excitied (to the point where the jump up and down and clap) when their favourite song...YMCA... comes on

3. Small penis

4. Bent penis

5. No penis

kiwigirl said...

OK - my all time worse - is what I like to call - "non-functioning well penis".

Seriously - I've experienced this a few times in the last few years - and I hate it. Really could make me go from really liking someone - to being absolutely turned off.

Mr A said...

Kiwigirl I am sure that it is no reflection of you whatsoever.

Lulu said...

Hahahahahaha. Thanks for that, made my day. Took me a while to stop laughing. Kiwigirl - what does that mean?

Lulu said...

Actually, sometimes I jump up and down when acdc comes on... I hope that doesn't put people off. Even worse than leather - pleather.

Lulu said...

Oh and KG - I get it. I thought it was some sort of scientific term that I hadn't heard of. But I definitely have.

kiwigirl said...

ha ha ha ha

I like to think it has nothing to do with me :)

I really don't think it should be too much to ask for a penis that just works properly though :)

xx K