Monday, September 03, 2007

The Muppet Show


With the VUWSA election dates finally being set for 21-27 August we can expect candidates to start campaigning from now if they wish, however most I presume will start next week.

This morning a leaflet drop was done at Victoria Campuses alerting students to the antics of this year's VUWSA executive, so for your reading pleasure here is:

"A Year in Your Rear"

So you thought you’d seen the last of The Muppets when you left primary school? Think again. You can see them every week on the Executive of your Student’s Association – VUWSA.

With elections coming up again, the dates tentatively set for September 13-20, it’s time to reflect on a year of antics, atrocities, and abuses from the 2007 Exec. From drinking each other’s urine, to scribbling over the Association’s investment art collection, to laying communist wreaths at ANZAC Day. If it’s dumb, they’ve done it.

Education Vice President Joel Cosgrove set the standard straight away this year, making a lone stand against Prime-minister Helen Clark and her Australian counterpart John Howard in the first week of class. After screaming angrily at the two Prime-ministers, Cosgrove had to be restrained by police. That wasn’t enough for the Education Vice-President however, who then proceeded to place the eighty-three year old University Games Shield on Trade Me with the help of former President Nick Kelly. At just one dollar it would’ve been the bargain of the year if the university management hadn’t stepped in.

By the end of O-week the Exec were already arguing about who sucked more – a tough choice too with such potent competition. The decision was clearly too much for Acting Women’s Rights Officer Clelia Opie, who had to consult $6000 of psychic hotlines to make her choice. The now famous ‘Opiegate’ Scandal even made the front page of the Wellingtonian, featured in the Sunday Star Times, and was blasted out over Radio New Zealand just in case anybody wasn’t reading about it.

If that wasn’t enough bad press, the hotline scandal coincided with Welfare Vice President Heleyni Pratley’s artistic adventure with the VUWSA $300 000 art collection, several ‘modifications’ being made with a marker pen. Pratley’s adventure came just two weeks after Pratley chose to ‘represent students’ by laying a communist wreath at the year’s ANZAC Day celebrations. This was one precedent Pratley was following from former President Nick Kelly, who laid a similar wreath the year before.

By the end of March Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard was making a name for herself as well. In an interesting interview, Barnard expressed the view that the new student hostel was preferable to ‘students paying $130 to live in an arsefuck flat in fucken arsefuckville.’ Later in the week she was again in trouble after screaming death threats at Activities Officer Bernard-Bernard Galaxy.

The fabulous adventures of Galaxy made Salient headlines again with Queer Rights Officer Rachel Wright after June’s NZUSA annual conference. Galaxy reportedly licked Wright’s urine off the street after she knelt down to share her night’s efforts in full view of the public.

The NZUSA conference was a cause of great media delight. A cricket maintenance sign was stolen from Lincoln University and signed by all members of the Exec in attendance (Treasurer Alexander Nielson, Welfare Officer Paul Brown, and Education Officer Stephanie Tyler were absent). After the Exec presented the stolen sign to a VUWSA staff member, President Geoff then excused himself by telling Salient he had confused the sign for a ‘large floor tile’. When asked why the Exec would be giving a staff member a floor tile, the President declined further comment.

But these fruitful under-takings were not enough entertainment for one week. Education Vice-President Cosgrove again made Salient headlines by stealing a ‘debt-monster’ costume from the Otago Polytechnic Student’s Association. Cosgrove took immense delight in wearing the costume, hiding in a cupboard to escape prying eyes.

However ...

… It’s not all bad. The Exec has given us plenty of hilarious news, proving to be the best media entertainment any information-hungry student could ask for. As Salient’s Laura McQuillan pointed out in an article earlier this year, young journalists from around the country have expressed great jealousy at the ‘endless abundance’ of material the Exec provide for her reporting.

Furthermore, thanks to the 20% fee hike last year’s exec successfully put through, VUWSA has even managed to stay within its budget for the year. Treasurer Alexander Nielson even boasted a small surplus after the budget for University Games proved to be out by $12 000 in the Association’s favour.

So that’s a year in your rear for 2007. Take a moment to suck it in and realise just how lucky you are to have ‘your views’ ‘represented’ by such a fine Association.

We hope you enjoyed the show.

3 comments:

Murray said...

Well they're fit for the labour party list now by the look of it.

Nicholas O'Kane said...

Excellent pamphlet. I'm surprised your name is on it, given that you previously were left wing and supported compulsory membership.It's a little long, but I think many students would still read it. More pamphlets closer to the election could have a big impact on it. I've also thought of a good slogan to put on future pamphlets: "join VUWSA, You have to".

welly_girl said...

Thanks Nicholas.