Monday, January 08, 2007

In a Boy's Shoes


I had an interesting experience over the weekend that I thought was worth writing about. Beware, I believe writing of this type has not been seen before on Red Confectionery...!

I was out with two guy friends of mine who happen to be gay. We had a few drinks at home and then proceeded to go to a local bar that is, shall we say, frequented by a more colourful crowd. Very fun, very loud and very interesting. Especially this night. I am not a Bisexual or a Lesbian, but then I don't go to bars to get laid either.




As it turned out, my two guy friends decided they quite liked the look of each other so I was left relatively alone. No worry, I had run into a few old friends anyway - always a surprise when you see people from high school in a gay bar - and decided to make friends with the people sitting next to us.

I saw this girl with a nice red top on, and complimented her on it.

Tip #1 in making friends with girls: Compliment on clothes and appearance, even if you don't want to shag them.

Actually, the top was OK but it's always a good conversation starter. Then I realised, Shit. I'm in a gay bar. You don't make friends here, you make 'friends.' And THEN I realised, Hey. This could go somewhere...

Girl in the red top happened to be very nice looking, and by chance we had a few things in common. Like me, she was a science student studying away from home. We chatted about this and that... I won't bore you with the details. But she did ask me - God bless homosexuals for being straight up - whether or not I was a Lesbian. I lied, and said I was Bi. I wanted to try this out.

I decided to be the man of the situation and bought her a drink. Midori and Lemonade, of course.

Tip #2 in making friends with girls: If they don't specify what drink to buy, get them something sweet and girly like a Midori and Lemonade, Mallibu and Pineapple or Vodka Lemon and Lime.

One drink led to another - my guy friends were delighted with this and encouraged my bi-curiousity by buying us more drinks. We ended up outside the ladies together. I didn't know whether or not to go in with her, which is what I usually do with my chic friends.

Tip #3 in making friends with girls: DON'T go to the bathroom together.

She looked up into my eyes - I was taller, definitely the alpha female - and kissed me.

Let me describe what it is like to kiss another female. They have a softer tongue, and are much more gentle in their approach to 'caressing' and making out. It lasted a while. I told her she was really pretty (which she was) and she said I was an amazing kisser. I even kissed her neck and shoulders, because chances are if she was anything like me she would like that. And boy, did she ever.

Tip #1 in making out with girls: Don't be a boring goldfish; use your mouth for other parts of the body. (Before you start grabbing them that is)

Needless to say, it was undoubtedly fun kissing another girl, but nowhere as fun as kissing a guy. In which case I would have gotten turned on. As you do when you kiss someone you fancy. In other words, I didn't 'feel' anything while it was happening.

Such a shame, being with girls would be so much easier...

During this makeout session one of my friends, Matt (or Karma, as he was in drag), not the most discreet person in the world, exclaimed: "LULU!! Since when did you become a rug muncher?!!" Oh dear. I told him, quite justifiably I thought, to shut up. He warned me not to mess with her, as she was a really nice person.

Geez. Now I know how guys feel when they hook up with girls.

At the end of the night there was the question of whether or not we would go home together. To be honest, the thought terrified me. But we exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes.

Now I am in a bit of a pickle. She is texting me, saying she had an amazing time with me that night. If I tell her the truth, she will be upset; if I don't do anything - a typical guy response - she will think I am not into her, and be upset. For now her texts remain unreplied to.

I could say that I don't think it should be taken any further as we both live in different cities. But seriously, I am not good at making up stories.

What on earth should I do??!!

P.S. I wouldn't write the experience off - every straight girl should try this. Without hurting the other girl's feelings, that is.

29 comments:

Heine said...

Ahh yes and sure to be a popular post here too!

Always good to have an open mind about these things.

My advice, be honest and tell her it was your first experience as you were bi-curious. Tell her you enjoyed it and obviously you need time to think a lot about it before you decide if you want to take it further.

And if you do, post some pics :)

Lulu said...

Can't, because then I would have to admit that I -knowingly- lied to her. And I am officially, no longer bi-curious ;)

Psycho Milt said...

"Now I know how guys feel when they hook up with girls."

Indeed:
1. Lied to her to get some action. Check!

2. Having obtained said action, lost all further interest. Check!

3. Now seeking some quiet way out without looking a cunt. Check!

(Portentous tone) Congratulations, Lulu - today you are a Man!

Anonymous said...

Theres only one option.. call her back, take a video camera and post the evidence..

Pics or it didn't happen :-P

Seamonkey Madness said...

"Pics or it didn't happen"

What he said.

welly_girl said...

And I think I get myself into predicaments!!!

Try and reverse the role and make it a male/female situation and how would you feel.

It's better to tell her the truth than have something come back and bite you in the bum.

Good Luck

PS Its probably nicer to ignore her than lie to her... that's my thoughts anyways.

Lulu said...

Seeing her again, just to get pictures, would be rather rude don't you think?

I'm *so* avoiding that bar from now on.

Ok, reversing the role.... I would go mad not hearing from someone and not knowing why. But that's the best piece of advice so far.

Ha, PM, I do feel like a man, yes. The type of man I try to avoid.

GeorgeDarroch said...

Just tell her the truth seems like the best advice...

Kissing someone of the same sex when you're just trying things out, and they're not aware of the fact, is fun, but presents complications!

Heine said...

Ok, how about you tell her a little white lie and say you have a lot going on in your head so it isn't a good time to start anything at this stage. That will make you a woman again :-)

I think its better to lie a tiny bit and make her feel better rather than ignore her and make her feel a little let down.

welly_girl said...

And then there is always the scary fact that she may in fact read this blog herself, be putting two and two together and now feels really hurt and embarrassed.

But must say Clint's suggestion is actually remarkably good.

Anonymous said...

Cool story, sexy, funny and all the things I like in a bisexual fantasy, whether it is true or not.
If you need "straightening out" I suggest this guy http://rattusnorvegus.blogspot.com/

Sterling Knight said...

I agree with Heine's first comment. She may have had the same experience when she was wondering about herself. She could turn out to be just one great friend.
Good luck.
Sterling.

Cactus Kate said...

Oh this is a shock, girl goes to a gay club and gets hit on by another GIRL.

Further shock, girl thinks you are hitting on her by complimenting her. Shock being that women do not compliment the competition (being other women) in straight bars so there is a pretty good chance of the interpretation as taken.

Shock horror you end up outside the toilet together - accidentally the seediest place in any bar.

What on earth was the poor girl meant to think other than you wanted some action? Poor girl wasted her entire night trying to hook up and then you encourage it further by giving her your number. Hard enough I imagine for chicks to hook up at the best of times with other chicks.

It's all your own doing and as punishment there is only one thing you can do to humiliate her further, invite her out, blog where the meeting is to be and invite all the London based male bloggers to come check her out....then blog about it.

All straight girls should not try this. It's bad enough they pull this shit on men, let alone women.

Simply call her and tell her the truth, apologise and then offer yourself for a 3some with Clint.

Lulu said...

There is no way she will read thi so it's semi ok :)

Heine said...

The last part of what Cactus said is the most important part :)

And what I said previously.

Rattus Norvegus said...

allow me to be of some assistance

Heine said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lulu said...

Actually Cactus Kate is was a bit of a surprise as the bar I was at is frequented more by straight girls, ie. me.

Thanks for the advice. Hmmmm threesomes could be interesting.

Heine said...

I agree Lulu. Interesting indeed.

I am waiting by my phone!

Anonymous said...

Tell her it's not your thing. She has probably had it before and you may become friends.

Or...
Tell her you only "play" with your boyfriend present and it's his fantasy to have a threesome. Then seen a pxt of the dodgiest looking guy you can find.

Or...
Try the trick most women use to get rid of guys. Text her constantly, especially early hours of the morning. Constantly ask what she thinks and tell her about the most mundane things that happen to you today at great length.

Lulu said...

Oh my god that advice is EPIC. It won't offend her whatsoever!!

Seamonkey Madness said...

That last bit of anon (4:53pm) advice = GOLD

PS:
Since when did RedCon moderate its comments?

Anonymous said...

Pam has been doing that texting trick to me for as long as I have known her. I didn't get the message until now.

Pamziewamzie said...

Ha you suck Paul! I'm just taking precautions, Seamonkey. Have a minor stalker problem.

Anonymous said...

You must have done something by now right? Otherwise it will be the classic 'never text/phone/email/see her again' trick that guys do

Anonymous said...

Yeah my advice at 4.53pm had to be anon. For some reason this comments system doesn't like me. Though I can login to the ones that use the beta version.

Or.
You could try the trick I used to use when I was younger. Meet her, but be the most boring sod you can be.
Unfortunately, it never really worked for me.

Hamboy

Anonymous said...

What a pathetic story.

Some part of you must have wanted it otherwise you wouldn't have hooked up with the trollop in the first place.

I suspect you've masturbated and fantasied over being with a woman in the past and now regret having let the genie out of the bottle.

If you can get off thinking about something, you can get off doing it.

Why don't you be honest with us all, bigaon pala iyot (that's Bisaya, one of the Philippine dialects -- it expresses what I want to say better than in English!)

Nothing worse than a bum-tongue (one slip of the tongue and it's in the shit).

Lulu said...

I suspect you've masturbated and fantasied over being with a woman in the past and now regret having let the genie out of the bottle.

No not at all. Sorry to ruin your fantasies. In fact a threesome with two guys appeals more...

Anonymous said...

For fuck's sake, shag the poor girl. What's the harm?