Thursday, April 26, 2007

Some more advice for the boys...

After Lulu's post Guide for Guys, I have also decided to add some advice for guys I came across:

R18 Things She Hates

You think you have the moves? Well, hotshot, we'll bet at least half the things you're doing in the bedroom really do drive her crazy-and not in a good way. We sent the MF Sex Squad to the streets of New York to poll 1,000 women. Their mission: to find out the ladies' biggest pet peeves under the sheets. Here are the top 10 responses.

1 You only perform fast, jackhammer-type sex. Why: "It feels more like you are trying to puncture a lung than give me an orgasm," says Liz, 21. "That just makes me numb-varying your rhythm keeps it interesting."

2 You stick your tongue inside her ear. Why: "It's like getting hit on the side of the head with a big wave," says Ashley, 19. "Or a large, wet jellyfish."

3 You think just inserting your fingers into her vagina is enough to get her off. Why: Penetration alone won't do. "You can't just go in and feel your way around," says Jen, 27. "You've got to have a plan of action."

4 You vigorously tweak her nipples. Why: Pinching with varying degrees of pressure depending on her cues? Good. Sadistic, 180-degree turns? Not so much. "You think it feels good?" challenges Deanna, 29. "Let me do it to you and see how you feel about it."

5 You lick her belly button. Why: "It stays wet in there a long time and ends up feeling sticky," says Julie, 23. You want to use your tongue? Head south.

6 You talk dirty to her-in a derogatory way. Why: Some girls get off on it-but not all. "Being called a dirty whore doesn't turn me on," says Katie, 32. "It just pisses me off."

7 You hit any part of her body with your erect penis. Why: "It just makes me want to slap it back," says Trina, 20.

8 You switch it up too much during oral sex. Why: "Variety is good," says Eva, 30. "But once you've hit the spot and I'm enjoying myself, stay with it. I don't want you to move on to something new."

9 You excitedly suggest she try something you've seen in a porn film-because, after all, the girl was having so much fun. Why: "She gets paid to do that," says April, 24. "We don't."

10 You put your hand on the back of her head when she's giving you oral sex. Why: "That is way too controlling," says Karen, 26. "And it makes it seem like we're only there to please you and do your bidding."

I do not necessarily agree with these, but they are on the whole not too bad in advice for you gentlemen out there.

Best rule of thumb is, ask her what she likes and get her to show you, generally girls like this. As much as we love our guy to take control in the bedroom, we like being able to get it how we like it and even tease you a bit

17 comments:

James said...

....or you can just forget all that bullshit and go to a prostitute.You pay once,get what you want with the girl you want,there's no bullshit foreplay that doesn't please YOU.Theres no enslaving yourself to her never ending nagging needs.You don't have to go through the crap of buying dinner and having to talk to her about crap to get her in the sack.

You can finish in your own time and leave without fear of getting calls from her or ruining your evenings having to take her out...and if shes Asian she will do anything for an extra 20 bucks....brilliant!


Way easier....



;-)

Pamziewamzie said...

I think this guide goes for the real world however, as opposed to the kind of fantasies that guys purchase.

If anyone called me a whore I would fucking rip their head off. Figuratively speaking.

Julio Pop said...

james... can you pay me one visit to an asian prostitute..

James said...

Of course the trouble is that you women don't come standardised.There's all this inconvenient "individuality that makes it all so complicated...;-)

Would it be so hard to pick a place to have that "G-spot' thing and stick to it?

Once Socialism prevails society will act to ensure that there are no selfish sexual preferences and all coitus will be community approved.....after ensuring all the ugly and sad people have their "right" to sexually satisfaction fulfilled first. ;-)

James said...

"if anyone called me a whore I would fucking rip their head off. Figuratively speaking."

I can well believe it! Look at the lashing I get when I call you "A*****d.....or God forbid S*****r"!

And Im just joking! :-O

xxx ;-)

Anonymous said...

Whore!

Pamziewamzie said...

Well now how am I supposed to rip your head off when I don't know who you are? (let's just feign innocence shall we)

And you must have led a very sheltered life to think that I am a whore.

kiwigirl said...

ha ha - I don't like the word whore per se, but I'm all up for lots and lots and lots of "dirty talk" (but God I hate that expression).

I could talk about the kind of words I do like....but i'm not sure thats really the point of your blog. Maybe I'll blog about it on mine. LOL

xx K

James said...

"james... can you pay me one visit to an asian prostitute.."

If it will make a man of ya lad then I'm happy to stump up for $5 worth for ya!

It'll be the most life changing 10 minutes of your short life so far. ;-)

PS....Wear a snorkel....they like it kinky.
LOL

Heine said...

Bloody hell Pam, some people here need it quite badly! :-)

I don't agree with all these rules, relationships be it for one night or one year are not about following rules or doing what is "right". Complications just make people messed in the head.

welly_girl said...

Heine,

I actually agree with you about "rules" etc, mainly because every individual and every couple have to work out what is right and works for them.

However these a fun to put up and see the reactions people have, and a bit of advice from a girls perspective can't be all bad ;)

Heine said...

Any advice for these sexually frustrated readers of yours would be welcomed :) Even if they don't admit it!

welly_girl said...

Well we are caring people, and care about our readers welfare, even the crazy ones!!!

Its all about making the world a better place :-P

David Farrar said...

Welly Girl,

if A**x is annoying you in the bedroom, wouldn't it be easier to tell him so directly than do a blog post about it, hoping he'll read it :-) :-)

Heine said...

Touche David... nice one :)

welly_girl said...

Thanks for that David. However I would place relationship advice for any partner of mine on the internet, boys are not great at getting hints.

welly_girl said...

* supposed to say WOULD NOT