Wednesday, June 20, 2007

What men want.. apparently

Mouthing off
One sentence you're never going to hear men say is: "Thanks babe, but I'll pass on the blow job." Sneaking in a close second on the male fantasy roster, behind that policewoman threesome, is the universal desire for more oral pleasure. Why do some men seem to prefer this to actually having sex with you? For a start, it almost seems naughtier than intercourse. He also gets off on the idea that he turns you on so much that you're loving exploring a sexual boundary that some women are reluctant to cross. Then there's the proximity of your hands which, when used together with your lips and tongue, produce an effect that is far greater than the sum of their, ahem, parts. Make sure he understands that the more foreplay he delivers, the more likely you'll be to head downtown.

Talk dirty

While we're on the subject of mouths, men would like you to open yours more, to say what you want and how you want it. Male culture makes admitting to the slightest sexual inferiority or lack of knowledge a laughable offence. Beneath all the bravado is a deep need to satisfy you. Problem is he's been conditioned to refrain from seeking assistance. Just because he's reluctant to ask how to pleasure you doesn't mean he's unwilling in bed. How do you go about this? By using phrases such as: "It really turns me on when…", "to the left a bit", "softer", "harder" and "Yes, oh God, yeeeeessssss!" If you're embarrassed about speaking, place his hands on one of your hotspots and move it with the pressure or motion that feels best. Then respond to his improved technique with the odd moan.

Shake it up

Once a couple have been together for a while they often develop a sexual routine. It's not always a negative thing as it is usually mutually satisfying. So what's the problem? Mix things up a bit. If the bedroom is your primary lovemaking venue, why not steam things up in the shower? And it's worth adding some variety to the old ''he does this, then you do this'' choreography. Swap things around, throw a new position into the mix!

No time like the present

Question: What part of a man most enjoys being stroked? Answer: his ego! Show a man you gotta have him right here, right now, and he'll immediately slot this experience into his all-time sexual top 10. Men are most often the initiators of sex while women are the gatekeepers. Flip this around and he not only realises that you've been thinking about having him all day, but that the urge is so overwhelming it overrides your normal tendency to let him make the first move.

The wholistic approach
One of the cardinal sex sins drummed into men is charging straight for the clitoris without detouring to numerous other pleasure spots along the way. Yes, in our eagerness to satisfy you, we proceed with great haste to the point most likely to achieve said result. However, it's not until some kind soul points out that, for women, the journey is as important as the destination, that many a man slows things down in the name of erotic build-up. Women, I'm sorry to report, are frequently guilty of a similar crime, but because men don't need much foreplay to climax, this transgression is rarely reported. Don't ignore other areas of our bodies which yearn to be tweaked, twiddled and diddled. In other words, treat his nipples like Paddle Pops, stroke his thighs with your fingernails and then, when he's squirming like a cat in a bubble bath, journey to the turgid arrow.

And never again…

The real deal
Most women have faked an orgasm at some time in their lives. Stop it! The only person you're fooling is yourself. Men live for turning their partner on. No man will resent you teaching him to pleasure you to a greater degree. Tell him you'd like to work on making things better and, to avoid him feeling like a failure, ensure you point out the things he does right in bed. The situation is one that can be fixed with tact, honesty and a willingness to do things a little differently. If you never try, you won't even know what you're missing out on.


A. J. Chesswas said...

I didn't dare to read this whole post - just enough to get the jist of it. I have come across this stuff before when checking out just what young women are reading in Cosmo and Cleo and Girlfriend magazines etc. All I can say is that it is a load of bull-faeces, and that it is utterly demeaning to men.

The sexual fixations described in this post are not generalisable of all men, by any means. The problem is, the type of men that promiscuous women end up with do tend to be this way inclined, and so their idea of what men are gets completely screwed up. Women experience this, and other women read about and hear about this stuff, and it becomes modern gospel that men think about sex every 10 seconds, and have this fantasy and that fantasy, and all they want is sex.

Well let me tell you that in every relationship I've had with women in the last 8 years I have tried to conduct myself with as much dignity as possible. I remain a virgin to this day, and I do not fantasise abour this perverted thing or that naughty thing, etc. etc.

When I marry I want to conduct myself in a way that is respectful both to me and my wife. The picture you paint of men in this post is extreme and unbalanced. It is a picture of a man completely sublimated to his sensual instincts and thank God such a picture is not definitive.

Randominanity said...

For God's sake will someone give that man (above) a blowjob!!

Someone needs to loosen up

molly may said...

Dude relax. really relax.

molly may said...

Dude relax. really relax.

Raven Theory said...

i'm pretty sure this copied and pasted from cosmo...

Anonymous said...

And let him cum on your face... that is really hot

Anonymous said...

This is what I mean.

Anonymous said...

Heh. I'll agree with anonymous above, but unfortunately there is a minority of women who really enjoy it, IMHO.

Also, AJ, why don't you just ignore this kind of post and go looking for your wife instead so you can actually get some?